drbubb Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 Two Cows / under different political systems Easy Guide to Economics by Gordon 'Slackjaw' Brown SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both have mad cow disease. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the s**t out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy........!!!! AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A WELSH CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. (as received by email - thnx) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dubai Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 Very good :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questiondog Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 Very good :lol: I received this yesterday too. here are some more... http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/You_have_two_cows/17 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sid Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 Very good :lol: Brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
id5 Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 I received this yesterday too. here are some more... http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/You_have_two_cows/17 These are fantastic, I can't wait to see what the New Labour entry will be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
romans holiday Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 I have two cows in the new agrarian age. I am sent two bankers to re-educate. They try to milk the bull for all it is worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
id5 Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 I have two cows in the new agrarian age. I am sent two bankers to re-educate. They try to milk the bull for all it is worth. Spot On! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drbubb Posted November 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2008 I have two cows in the new agrarian age. I am sent two bankers to re-educate. They try to milk the bull for all it is worth. When they find they can get no milk from the Bull, they look for a Bear, and hang him by his feet upside down. They are surprised when no milk comes out, and one says: "Maybe this Bear is not short enough." The other replies: "This farm is nothing like the real world, is it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
id5 Posted November 15, 2008 Report Share Posted November 15, 2008 When they find they can get no milk from the Bull, they look for a Bear, and hang him by his feet upside down. They are surprised when no milk comes out, and one says: "Maybe this Bear is not short enough." The other replies: "This farm is nothing like the real world, is it?" Until the bear comes out of its hibernation and rips the throat out of the bankers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drbubb Posted March 27, 2021 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2021 Feel MILKED yet? If not, Biden-Harris may get to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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